I often see grief and trauma used interchangeably, and they can coexist in certain circumstances. However, these two unpleasant experiences serve two distinct functions.  Trauma reactions are maladaptive attempts of our nervous system to protect us. Grief is different, and the utility is harder to place, but it does exist. This piece will focus on the grieving perspective and how it is helpful for us.

      First, grief is defined as a “deep sorrow and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement.” It occurs across a broad range of situations, but its nuts and bolts are that we have lost something. Grief is not in the DSM and is not recognized as a symptom of a mental health disorder unless this period lasts longer than 12 months, in which case it can be classified as “prolonged grief disorder”. There is a distinct reason for this; we should feel bad when we lose something or somebody we love. That is a perfectly healthy reaction to a difficult situation.

     But grief does more than signal a new void in our lives. It highlights what is important to us and is part of what makes our sparse time on this earth meaningful. A life without grief would not be much of a life. It is the buy-in to things that we love because everything is temporary, but this fact is not a call to hopelessness but a call to action to be present and enjoy our lives and the people and things within them.

     It is a cruel twist of fate that the average dog’s lifespan is 10 years. But any dog lover would tell you they would not trade their time with their dogs for anything. And perhaps the brevity of their lives is why dogs can love their families so deeply. We can all learn a valuable lesson from dogs by radically embracing every interaction with our loved ones with unbridled joy.

     The antidote to grief is to open our hearts not only to the pain left by the empty spaces of loved ones who are no longer with us but to the loved ones who still are, too.